if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
