I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
