I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
