dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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