turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
