I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
