3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
