I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
