So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
