at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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