Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
