conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
