I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
