I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
