I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
