my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize