I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
