If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
