Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize