proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
