Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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