My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
