so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
