He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
