I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize