i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
