Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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