Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
