is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
