Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize