bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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