at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
