woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize