i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
my poor anus
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
