I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
