I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
