No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
