Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
