Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We have so much sex to catch up on
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
