ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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