You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
