she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
