Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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