We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
