i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
