Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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