I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
