Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
