Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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