the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
