i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
