i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize