I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize