nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
