I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You dont lie about slip and slides
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize