I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
