I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need a beard to bite.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
