we made out on top of his cat.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
