I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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