My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize