I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
