my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
