This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
